A word of thanks to some of my readers for their encouraging comments. It’s great to know that you’re enjoying my posts.
My apologies as well for not updating my blog as often as I’d like to. It’s just that inspiration hasn’t hit me for quite some time, and I don’t wanna bore y’all with junk. Hope y’all will continue visiting and reading my blog nevertheless.
Sometimes I have this feeling that the whole Universe is out to get me; a cosmic conspiracy if you will. Maybe the Universe is bored and decided to pick on me, since I’m such a good sport.
It seems like someone, somewhere out there, is telling people to wait for the opportune moment to suck the joy out of the simple delights in life — like a toilet break.
Haven’t you had those moments where you were waaaaaiting for a particular phone call, which someone promised to make at a particular time, but they never do?
Strangely, during that span of time, your kidneys decide to work more efficiently, your bladder fills up, and suddenly… you get the urge to go.
But you don’t go, see? Coz you’ve been waiting for that phone call. But that bloomin’ call never arrives! You ask yourself, “didn’t I just go a few minutes back?”, but all that doesn’t matter, coz the game is on, the joke’s on you, and the Universe is snickering.
Nevertheless, as expected, the urge becomes unbearable. Rather than torturing yourself unnecessarily, you finally decide to purge your body of the evil that’s causing you all that agony. So, reluctantly, you go.
Now, do they call BEFORE you enter the toilet? Heavens no. What’s the fun in that?
Caller: Hmm… maybe I should call now?
Universe: NO! Nooo… Not yet. Wait for it… wait for it…
Will the Universe have mercy and tell them to call during the unzipping, so I could quickly zip-right-up and answer the call? Naaaaw…
Universe: Any second now…
Caller: Okay. Just say when.
It has to be… ya know… during THAT time. THE time. During the sweet release of agony… only to be replaced by another cause of anguish!
Universe: When! WHEN!
Caller: Whaa?
Universe: Now! Call NOW, dang it!
Caller: Oh… OH! OKAY! Wheeeee!
The phone rings with a demonic annoyance. So you force yourself to hurry up, rushing the process, shortchanging yourself of one of the simple pleasures in life. Sometimes you forget to flush.
Then you make a mad dash for the phone, increasing the probability of you banging your toe or knee on some sharp-edged furniture. Along the way, you mutter rapidly and repeatedly…
Me: Please don’t hang up. Please don’t hang up. Please don’t hang up.
And when you pick up the phone, you try to stifle your panting, and calmly greet the caller with a cordial…
Me: Hello?
Caller: Hello! Is this Mr. Ng?
Me: Yes. Speaking.
Caller: My name is (usually some name that you can never catch the first time round because they say it so quickly), and I’m calling from Hong Leong Bank. We’d like to congratulate you because you’re qualified to receive cash on demand! The annual interest rate is only six perc…
Me: :l [click]
One of Hong Leong Bank’s Evil Minions:… ent, and… Hello? Hello?
Man… There should be some law against this. There must!
Now I’m learning to immunize myself to this annoyance. When the phone rings when I’m having my fun, I’m just gonna let it ring, baby, ring.
So when you call, and I don’t pick up the phone within 4 rings, there’s a good chance I’m doing my business. You can choose to let me call you back, or you can be one with the Universe.
I hope you chose the former. 
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I know what you mean, exactly. Maybe not so much of an agony but each time I have to use the loo at the mall, my phone will ring the moment I shut the toilet door……
You can actually blog about pee-ing… fuwah!
I actually thought he was talking about the bigger business………… first impression.